A video game's first responsibility -- arguably its only responsibility -- is to show the player a good time. To say that Saints Row: The Third
is a good time would be a severe understatement. Running naked around
the fictional city of Steelport wiping out rival gangs with
mind-controlling octopi provided some of the most fun I've had this
year. There may be a tendency to dismiss Saints Row as a Grand Theft
Auto clone (it isn't) or as juvenile antics (it is) but when you just
want to indulge in some mindless violence and sexual depravity, this
will more than suffice. Saints Row the Third takes you out of Stilwater, the setting for the
first two games, and drops you into the new city of Steelport. Three
local gangs are well-entrenched, but the Third Street Saints aren't
going to settle for fourth place. Your job throughout Saints Row the
Third is to take over this new city and crush the competition.
After an intro mission sets up your exit from Stilwater you'll get the
chance to customize your character. Customization plays a big part in
the entire game, from your body to your dress to your vehicles. I love
that, at a glance, no two players' games will look alike -- one will
star a voluptuous vixen in a cocktail dress while the next may feature a
blue sumo wrestler with cat eyes that speaks in zombie gibberish.
Before the credits roll you'll catsit a tiger, play a hilarious text
adventure, get a sex change, hack up Mexican wrestlers with a chainsaw,
visit a Tron-like computer world, and participate in many other
ridiculous leisure activities. Saints Row the Third can be accused of
being many things, but repetitive isn't one of them.
When you need a break from story missions you'll find loads of optional
activities all over Steelport that boost your street cred and earn you
cash. My favorites are the Insurance Fraud missions, holdovers from
Saints Row 2 that ask you to run into traffic and cause as much bodily
harm to yourself as possible before time runs out.
Pretty much anything you choose to do in Saints Row: The Third has been
incentivized and will earn you either money or respect. Money can get
you territory, weapons, upgrades, and threads. Respect works like
experience points, unlocking new abilities such as "infinite sprint" and
"no fall damage." Everything from near collisions while driving to
running down the street naked earns you respect, which is fantastic game
design -- we're constantly rewarded for simply playing the game. I was
addicted to maximizing my hourly income and planning my character
upgrades.
By completing certain story missions you gain access to badass vehicles
like a transforming hover jet and a pixilated retro-game tank. In the
spirit of staying out of the way of the player's good time, Saints Row 3
gives you an infinite supply of these recreational vehicles in your
cribs. So grab an F-69 VTOL hover jet, take it joy riding, crash it,
then go home and grab another. As many times as you want. Or, you can
have it delivered right to you, wherever you are. Amazing.
That's the beauty of Saints Row: The Third: it's not trying to be
anything more than a fun game. It's not realistic, it's not "art," it's
just a really good time.
That said, some of the immature characters, dialogue, and premises do
make me cringe. People often swear for no reason in a way that feels
really forced, and a pimp that only speaks in auto-tune and calls every
girl a bitch gets old fast. But the character that matters most, my
character, really won me over. I played as a lady (well, a female --
she's definitely not a lady), and despite the fact that she's an amoral
mass murderer, I believed she cared about her friends. Plus, I really
liked the voice actress portraying her.
The licensed soundtrack -- heard on car radios throughout the game --
includes many fantastic songs ranging from hip-hop to electronic to
classical. You can toggle stations on and off or build a playlist of all
the songs you like.
Saints Row: The Third unfortunately falls
apart at the end with a less-than-satisfying conclusion. There are two
endings (you'll get to see both), one a super downer and one that
doesn't make any sense. However, following the story is just half the
fun, and when I completed the campaign after 14 hours of play I had only
finished half of the side missions with an overall 72 percent
completion. Many good times await after the campaign ends for those that
want to achieve 100 percent.
While definitely not up to the standards of recent games like Skyrim or
Rage, Saints Row 3's visuals go easy enough on the eyes. I love the
neon-lit towering skyscrapers of Steelport, but down in the streets
things can seem quiet and lifeless. This is an open world but I wouldn't
say it's a living world. Mayhem activities ask you to destroy as much
as you can before time runs out, but you may be at a loss for stuff to
blow up. As you tear around town the traffic magically appears in front
of your car. Granted, I only noticed that pop-up while driving.
Saints Row: The Third allows you to play the entire campaign
cooperatively online. Inviting a friend or joining a game couldn't be
simpler, but playing cooperatively yields mixed results. While the
nature of two players running around with rocket launchers and tanks can
create comical chaos, not all of these missions seem designed for
cooperative play -- visiting players may sometimes feel like a third
wheel. But, happily, all progress carries over to your single-player
game.
Closing Comments News
flash: people find sex and violence entertaining. Saints Row: The Third
gives the people what they want and drops us into an open world adult
theme park where we can treat ourselves to delightful acts of bloodshed
and perversion. It doesn't take itself too seriously and only asks that
you don't, either.
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